Memorial
I was secretly hoping I could be a pastor without ever having to do a funeral or memorial service. I’m an emotional person – the kind that mimics people’s facial expressions when they tell riveting stories – and the thought of having to do a service under such sad circumstances kind of freaked me out a bit. I’d always imagined myself sobbing uncontrollably behind the pulpit, as surviving family members comfort ME.
But earlier this week I was asked to do a memorial service for the daughter of a young couple who I met a little more than two months ago in the hospital, when I went to pray for their newborn baby. She had complications during birth and was, at that time, fighting for her life. Earlier this week the baby went home to be with Jesus. The church they reached out to had a fee they could not afford, so they remembered me and my visit with them in the ICU. (Fees for funerals? Maybe that’s the standard practice, but the thought of billing grieving family makes my stomach churn. Can’t do it.)
It was hard. Unannounced punch-in-the-gut hard. My heart broke for them when I learned the tragic news. Here they were planning to raise a family, and their dreams turned to a nightmare overnight.
I never liked thinking about having to someday do a funeral, and I certainly never imagined my first memorial service would be for a beautiful ten-week-old baby girl. But today I was blown away by the strength I saw in this young couple as they were surrounded by their friends and family. In a jammed-packed, people-standing-in-the hallways memorial service, I was able to be a part of their healing process. What an honor. The outpouring of love and support I saw there was amazing to witness. And today, I felt a part of their community. I felt like a friend, a family member even.
***
Turning away from people during their times of pain may seem like the safe route. It’s a lot more comfortable. But turning toward people in their time of pain and being fully present with them in the moment brings a deep sense of fulfillment. Don’t get me wrong, today was very sad. But in one of the many paradoxes of life, it made me very glad that I got to be a part of people surrounding one another and hurting while others hurt, and comforting each other. To give them beauty for ashes. This is what the prophet Isaiah spoke of in regards to Jesus. Today, I got to witness Jesus in the midst of a loving assembly doing just that.
Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. – Romans 12:15
[I want to thank my father-in-law for taking the time to help me think through the message. Thanks Tim.]
Thanks for taking the time to write about this and taking the time to do the funeral for this young couple. You are such a compassionate and caring person, I am very glad to be able to work along side you!
Thanks Luke.
So, so, so love your heart…thank you for sharing.
Danny,
I wasn't able to be at little Stella's memorial service. Her grandma Kim is my best friend and closer to me than any sister could ever be. I want to say thank you for the great comfort that you gave to her and her family. She has weathered this storm with such strength and faith and was so pleased that you were able to be there with them to bring hope and peace. I look forward to meeting you as I know I will soon! Thank you again for being such a blessing – the Lord has many more opportunities in store; we can never underestimate the power of his love and compassion! God Bless!!
Peg P
Peg, thank you for your kind words. I have to wholeheartedly agree that Kim was such a source of strength and encouragement to her family. I look forward to meeting you as well.
that is an amazing post danny! your words have touched me.
Hi Daniel,
I understand what you went through. You expressed it so well, thanks for sharing your heart.
A month and a half ago I went through a similar situation. I had never done a memorial service until last May. It was for a special friend of mine, just 2 years younger than me; leaving behind 5 children, 11 to 17, and a husband… I did not think I could do the service, but I was amazed at God's grace! The Lord's presence was so evident and we were able to witness to many people who needed to meet Jesus as their Savior…
We are to help people prepare for eternity!
Be blessed!
Wow Liliane. To do a memorial service for someone who was close to you would still be hard for me to imagine. But like you said, we can't do any of these things without his grace. Thanks for the encouraging words.